Online Dating – What Women Go Through

Online is dating is different for women. Women get assaulted from every possible angle online. I had this realization speaking with a girlfriend of mine. She had just joined PlentyOfFish, and in the span of 5 days, received over 600 “Hi” emails from men on that site.

What That Really Means For You…

I want you to just stop and think about that for a moment, that means she gets ONE email every 15 minutes – 24 hours a day. That’s insanity. No wonder most messages guys send end up unanswered.

Imagine – even as a guy – logging into your email to see that you have 600 messages after a few days of dating. What would you do? I’m sure that you’d be happy. But would you reply to each an every email? Of course not. It’s more likely that you’d start filtering that list pretty aggressively.

You’d probably do the following (which is pretty much what I do):

  • Filter out the fatties and ugly women.
  • Delete emails from the “depressive” women. Those that just sound down on their luck.
  • Discard anyone that’s a single mom.
  • Remove anyone that’s emailed you with “Hi” and no message whatsoever beyond that.

That’s exactly what online dating is like for women. Because they get so much interest from men online, they instinctively learn to filter out ANY GUY who doesn’t meet ALL their base criteria for starting a chat.

The Bar VS Online Dating: A Numbers Game?

It’s easier for a guy to email a girl with a simple “Hi” message than having a chat with her at a bar / club / pub. If you take the exact same girl and put her into a bar setting, I doubt she’d get hit on every 15 minutes for 24 hours straight. This is because there’s more RISK OF REJECTION at in-person venues.

As guys, we’ve all felt it. That nervous inner voice that tells you you SHOULD go talk to her, but you don’t. Every man has a story like that. Seeing that hot girl at the bar and totally sabotaging yourself by NOT going – which is typically followed by sinking pints like a madman and settling for a mediocre attention-seeking (and generally: chubbier) lady.

Using online dating, men don’t run that risk. They don’t even get a “No thanks, I’m not interested”. Emails sent just get deleted by said woman and the men move on. We all know it’s a “numbers game” online, right?


It’s not a numbers game. It’s only described as “numbers game” if you have ZERO idea on how to meet women online. In fact, if you follow the advice here, you’ll never describe online dating as a numbers game again.

In fact, you’ll soon see that it’s easier to pull women online than any other place!


If online dating for women is this ridiculous process where all they seem to do is actually filter emails from hundreds of guys – the only thing you need to do is differentiate yourself from the rest.

What does that mean? it’s pretty simple. I reverse engineered (for lack of a better word) the online dating process – starting with understanding what women want in a man. I followed this up with reproducing those qualities on online dating sites.

While there are always exceptions, women generally look for men that are:

  • Challenging: If she wanted a boring weak man, she could find one in the self-help section at any Barnes & Noble. Every one likes a challenge. Even men will tell you that their most satisfying “fucks” have come from when they’ve had to work for them. Being a challenge implies that you can’t just keep saying “me too” in reply to her every word.
  • Funny: Do you like goth girls that are perpetually depressed and hate life? Do you remember a friend in your past that was a perpetual downer – even when you went to a strip club (a.k.a.: naked chick mecca)? No one likes boring, depressive people. We ALL like to go through life having fun. And nothing says “cool, fun and easy going dude” like making her laugh.
  • Good Looking: This is a reality that can’t be ignored. If you’re ugly, you won’t be as successful as a good looking dude. Given a good looking guy versus an ordinary guy … who do YOU think she’ll gravitate towards when she sees a picture in your dating profile? With that said, you don’t need to look like Brad Pitt to score. You simply need to pick decent pictures to show your best side.

    Cat & Mouse Dating Game

    The Good Looking Guy Wins …

  • Adventurous: If a girl came up to you the first time you met, and told you: “I want to settle down and have a family – and commit you to a life of office work to support your family …” would you call her back? HELL NO! Much like women, guys look for someone that’s got a well developed wild side. Women look for the same. They already KNOW that that can get a nice guy to commit whenever they are ready. In the meantime, they look for someone who will make them feel strong emotions.
  • Ambitious: Ambition is contagious. No guy fantasizes about getting with a crack whore, deadbeat, strung out chick. You want someone who’s going somewhere in life – if only for a moment. Women feel the same way. If you’re not painting pictures of fun, adventure and discovery of new worlds, you’re not doing the right thing. Why do you think women LOVE “struggling musicians”? These guys sell women on their “rockstar” dream.

Based on the above, the question becomes how do you COMMUNICATE all of the above qualities in your online dating profile, messages and availability?

We’re going to discuss this next in the differentiate yourself section.

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